Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
