Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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