once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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