Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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