i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
