hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
