he shaved USA in his pubs
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
