Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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