So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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