At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
