Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
