Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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