his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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