I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Buhtt sex?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The power of my boobs compel you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
