This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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