i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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