Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
