Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
