the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
