When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
