farters have to be the big spoon...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
