I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
