Do you still have your period?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
