I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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