Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Small penises have feelings too.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
