Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
