if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
