But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
