Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
