Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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