Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
