I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
