Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
