I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
