also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
