We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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