wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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