FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
