At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
