office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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