hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
