Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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