omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
