i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she told me i tasted like america
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
