My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
