I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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