Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hippo gnu deer
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
