I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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