Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
