I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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