Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
