Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the condom got lost in my hair
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
