So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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