Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
