I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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